A Blogging Virgin.

 Honestly, I cannot believe I've started this blog. For the last ten years I've been fighting the urge to spill my nonsensical thoughts and feelings to random strangers and loved ones. Maybe now, because I am in a better place, I can finally feel comfortable with being open and getting it all out there. You poor people! <Inserts evil laugh> Bahahaha!
 This is the worst time of the year for me. Which is a little ironic because it happens to be my favorite season and holiday. How is it you can feel so happy and together and yet so sad and alone at the same time? What does one do to feel content? Less anxious? Or at the very least, to feel like you're not going crazy? Answer= It's the holiday season. You can't.
 In a consumer driven world, I imagine most people feel their possessions make them who they are. Their cars, their homes, their jobs, their friends, their lovers. This is sad (sad but true). I've been told I have the "collecting" bug. I blame the OCD! I probably don't need close to half of what I own or buy, but that doesn't stop me from rationalizing my doing so.
 Christmas and the New Year should be about spending time with my family. Not pulling out my hair because I just can't seem to get it together enough to mail out Christmas cards this year. Not freaking out that we've blown through the Christmas money between 8 children to buy for (Our own 2 plus nieces and nephews), 5 birthdays, 2 anniversaries and are now counting down the days till we get our tax return so that we can be just barely scraping by again till next Christmas rolls around. Did I mention that this used to be my favorite holiday? On the upside, my husband got a nice surprise Christmas work bonus this week so we've decided to treat ourselves ; ) We're finally getting Ipads (refurbished). And it's okay because I've rationalized it. I will be using mine for my writing. Hubby will be using his for work trips. Tada! No seriously, last frivolous spend... of the year. <hangs head in shame> I can't help it! I've wanted one since the first Ipad came out! And I may be a girl but I don't spend money on shoes, purses, jewelry, clothes, brand items or beauty products like many I know of so I deserve this. See, rationalization at it's best ; )
 Sometimes I wish time could slow down just enough so that I could catch my breath. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Is it possible to go through a mid life crisis at the age of 25? I'm terrible when it comes time to get my own head on straight but friends and family have always told me I know just the right thing to say to make someone feel better, or that I give great advice. Why can't I take my own? I'm such a cliche.
I have to admit, I really do like the feeling of having people come to me with their problems and being able to help them see things more clearly, boosting their feeling of self-worth or watching them walk away with a little perspective and just maybe a little skip to their step ; ) I think I'm going to look into volunteering for a help line and I'd love to have an advice column. Who knows, maybe that's what I'll end up doing!

Amazing. I seem to have figured out a plan of action. And it only took 20 minutes (well, plus 25 years and some odd days).

Blogger, I heart you.

Sincerely Yours.